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Friday, 18 August 2017

[Story] My First Day As An OAU Fresher (True Life Story) – Episode 1

Episode 1
Bouncing out of my Dad’s transport machine with my Prada sandal and my supposed-fake versace round-neck vest, I had a sigh of relief after a very boring journey filled with the hiphop LESS jams of Ebenezer Obey and the warning notes of my Mum all which went a million miles East and North but still ended up pointing to the statement “Remember the son of whom you are”… She had been echoing it into my hearing ever since I struggled to scape through UTME almost a year before, only God knows why she kept repeating something I already knew more than the National anthem.
Back to the matter, it was the first day on campus and the environment seemed like a reduced size and maintained population of Onitsha market. We were halted in a traffic jam some few metres away from the hostel gate, all hands folded on chest except my Dad’s which was firmly fixed to the steering as if someone was heading in his direction to hijack the car. I was just seated at the owner’s seat feeling like the best in the world, perhaps due to the fact that I was the first dude from my ghetto surroundings spending his first day on the campus of a reputable university…“Hey boy, go and check what’s causing this hold-up, if it’s something severe let me drop you here and head back to my hood”, my Dad’s thick voice interrupted my proud thoughts. I stepped out of the container and started zig-zagging as I hustled my way forward on the busy path of ANGLOMOZ.
Neglecting and partially forgetting the main reason why I was out in the crowd, I was caught up in an unknown wonderland and carried away with the sight-seeing of fancy cars and pretty young girls. I murmured silently as different questions which were against my notions flashed through my confused head, I was like “No be Aro tell me say na children of middle class citizens dey come this school?? If na this kain cars middle class citizens dey use den which class my papa kon dey?? Lowest class??…No be Aro tell me say all this fresh girls go small and they go dey gullible?? Say I fit dey woo them anyhow as a fine boy wey I be and I never even see my level since??”…I stayed glued to a spot as I looked around… “See how this one carry shoulder up like say the whole world dey under her heels, she no even look my side”, I murmured as I looked in the direction of an obviously proud daughter of something like a drug baron, judging from the big bags and the number of neatly dressed elders following her.
“O’boi this campus go hot o”, I grumbled as I continued my survey…“Mehn, see this chick, that’s my exact search match! Let me famz her by helping her with her bags jhawe, there’s no qualm about that”, I foolishly concluded in my mind and was about to make the move…Paaaaaaaaaaa!!! Sounded like the burst of a tire, that was a hot slap on my back from my mum. I was still trying to regain the blood that flew away from the slapped zone when I noticed the whole world, or to be factual, almost everyone within 100metres of range were looking in my direction. I couldn’t talk, couldn’t smile and couldn’t cry as I followed her lead like a prefix, grudgingly…She faced me and spoke “We’ve been waiting for you since, you were just there looking like a lost goat, you have started your rubbish again sey?”… I kept mute, looking desperately frustrated as I thought “Nd so? This woman no even sabi say na public we dey, I just pray say my new target babe no see me that time, make my first impression no soil”… I grumbled as I paused to adjust my sagging belt.